Could-Should-Would...

 I should let it happen... actually I could bite the bullet and do it... I would...But now, it's happening all over again, the second-guessing, the way my mind starts to crash and burn when I don't know the outcome. Is this an investment or a complete whim and maybe a tragic failure? I truly don't know. Education is power, knowledge is power, that's what I've always been told. But at what cost? Money has always been an issue, I work for what I have. Some people have the checkbooks of their parents, others have jobs that have higher salaries... me ... I NEED A CHANGE! Life is just choices, some good, some bad, and some are just downright ugly. I finally feel like I am stable, but that can all shift, alter and change. Meaning I would have to work harder, be stronger, be louder... Maybe this isn't about the money. Maybe it's about that fear I have of myself. What if I can't... What if I fail. That seems to be the loudest symphony in my head right now. But then there is that 1% that says... but what if you FLY! What if you do it, and everything turns out better. I mean look at you. You can't get any better unless you change. 

I have overcome certain events that some people would rather run from. Maybe I am dreaming too big. Fear is a factor, but disappointment is so much worse. 

Stop! 

I can't crash and burn, not yet. Then again you my dear darling aren't like the rest. You wear your phoenix for a reason, that is who you are. You may crash and burn... then again you may flourish afterwards. Nothing is meant to come easy in this life. 

This life... What's a life if you don't take a risk... but what if the risk isn't calculated. I have taken risks and those are the ones that always seem to make a difference, or it has allowed me to have an open mind. 

Then again when have I ever calculated a risk. I tend to jump before thinking things through... But did I lose that? The jump? The way I would just book it, and say yes. 

What if instead, I just got a work visa, and moved? Or what if I just travel... see the world. 

I NEED TO TAKE A RISK, but at what cost?