Chase me , Mock me, Ruin Me

 I have always chased the chaos, the unknown. I don't think of the consequences. Instead, I run into the chaos, but now I think it mocks me. I have had some adventures and stories that could make the genre of thriller shiver. Maybe I crave the monsters, just so I can feel everything. Maybe I am numb until the aftershock. 

Now I feel like everything mocks me. 

Death taunts and mocks me. I thought I was coping. Truth is... I can barely breathe. My friends come and I plaster a facade. Truth is, I am numb.  The game of WHAT IF plays with me. 

Maybe now I realize that darkness is much more comforting, at least you know there are monsters in the dark. 

I chase the unattainable because I know I don't get the Happily Ever After... Because deep down I always thought I didn't deserve it.

I am just a drifter. 

No one told me that the chaos I chased would consume me in the dark.