3 am

 On nights like these, my mind is plagued with thoughts,  my mother,  the pandemic, calling you and hanging up out of fear, and staring at the street lamp. Tonight I am lost, I am tethered to nothing. I can't place a single thought without another barging in. There is no rhythm or pattern. What if's, should's, could's, would's they seduce me. I wish exhaustion would pull me into submission. 

It's been like this for a while. The no sleep. I lay tossing and turning. I have used up all my calls. I guess I just have to dialogue with myself. 

Sometimes I wish.

Sometimes I pretend, of the things that weren't meant to happen.

I am not falling apart. I am merely just existing. My fire within has barely roared, instead, I am a mere flicker. There are times when I can seem to manage to muster the strength for a spark. 

 I stare at the reflection in the mirror, and she is a nightless sky.