Blurred Lines

 Dark and Light

Old and New

Exhausted and Awake 

 Extinguished and Energized 

there is no in-between 

heaven and hell

where is limbo? 

where is the dullness 

I can not reach it, I am pulled in one direction and another

no mercy or grace granted to me

I have no control, I am the puppet

everyone else can

but I

NO 

I can't even allow my guard down 

when I do

it is used against me

the words are like a sneer

how could I ever possess pain or hurt

I am naive and youthful

I keep silent in the shadows 

tightness grips and claws at me

tranquility is my ally

I fall into the pages lost in fantasy 

It is easier this way

to play pretend 

She has words 

but they tend to lash like a whip

bitter she is 

she is I 

jagged 

taunt

unyielding

She looks in the mirror 

she sees the person she hides so well in the shadow

instead 

she practices that smile

she practices the laugh

she practices

and 

practices

until she looks again

and she believes

she was

she is 

and ever will be 

sunshine and smoke

tears don't do anything anymore

they cease to have meaning 

besides ruining mascara 

they are just rivers slicing into one's face

they cause 

to many questions 

There are moments when she turns it all off

the coolness grants her 

peace

There was a time when I allowed myself these freedoms

This mundane ritual is called reality

Close your eyes