Starboy

He was someone I met in college, and boy I could write a novel. All I have to do is play Starboy and the party monster is reignited again. I remember being introduced to you. I never thought we would still be friends. Honestly, I thought you would look past me. I was just a foolish freshman, with foolish words. You on the other hand, I managed to create this persona of you. I did it because I didn't know how to take you in. I could tell you held things in. You had stories and truths, but you held them down. I saw, and you knew I saw. For some reason you allowed me to see you. You never exposed your whole self, why would you? 

He was the party monster, the legend, the creation. He was contagious. He has this energy, this thing that was consuming and it drew you in. I still remember the time I was in your room. There were people, but you kept your eyes on me while the album of Starboy blared. I danced, it was just us too. For some reason, we didn't need words. I understood you, and I still do. 

I have stories. So do you. Together we were infectious, our personalities merged into one. I think together we scared people because we were real. You always told me I was too ahead of our time. I think we both were. College us, if I could go back. Just to have that confidence. We created each other's party monsters within us. Does that make sense? I can't explain it. 

Maybe I am your false alarm? 

I could speak to you using this one album. 

Freshman year. Maybe I am giving you too much credit, but I believe your guidance helped shape and morph me. In the best way, I was a good girl. But then I met you, and I learned the temptation and truth about becoming your true self. With you, I could be anything and everything. You were my Reminder. You never let me hide. You watched me become louder and bolder, and I did that and more. You smiled, knowing that you helped the girl become so much more. I became everything. I was loud, no shame. People tried to hold me down, and they told me to quieten my "Crazy". Ha no, thank you. I would look at you, and I realized you were never distracted. You already lived, you knew that people can drag you down when they fear someone with a voice. 

You made sure to make my voice louder. 

There were so many people in college that tried to silence me, or even choke me into submission. I didn't allow that to happen. You on the other hand left, you fell in love, or managed to travel. With that, I learned that I just needed to have a harder exterior. 

People try to break you, slowly. You didn't allow people to break you. You always managed to come on top. I tried to do that. 

People told me to run, they told me you weren't good. Then I realized they were scared. College no one has their true colors yet. They live in their past, and some still try to let their high school colors shine. I was honest, that's what I had compared to everyone else. They hadn't found their voice. They still are searching.

I am the Stargirl. You always were my biggest supporter. 

You are sidewalks.

We have had our ups and downs, but you will always be the party monster. You don't change in my mind, and if you do, you just show me your truths. Even in the darkest parts, we still manage... or I manage to pull you out. You are the one person who I will allow to speak to me with your brutal honesty. 

When I lose myself, I just have to remember. I blare the music, and I am there again. We are in the black Mercedes driving wild, music making our hearts vibrate to the base. I don't need to care about anyone else, but myself. When I look in the mirror, who's there? You remind me where I came from. 

I was just an orphan, now look at me. 

So thank you. 

I am everything and more. 

You know who you are.