Authentically Creative

09 / 15 / 2023

Hello, my name is Alyssa, and this just happens to be my life. Right now, I am a 25-year-old living in London. But, let me start at the beginning... Or at least the beginning of what I thought would have been. 

Growing up the question we all heard was "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" This question still is brought up at every family function and is always a lovely conversation starter. I once knew what I wanted to be, when you are young and naive you believe in everything. You haven't allowed your light, youth, and innocence to diminish. You believe in yourself like no other. Everything is possible. I had that, and I could answer it easily. I wanted to be an actress, opera singer, veterinarian, marine, college professor, doctor, and the list goes on. Now you ask me that question and I shall simply smile with uncertainty. I know one thing and that is to be Creative, I want to have a voice that is heard and seen. But, how does that work especially in America, where we are all supposed to fall into line. Become a part of the corporate world. Where we live in stress and anxiety, we survive to pay our bills, and to make it to Friday, only to have a weekend to ourselves to hopefully recharge our batteries. But, then you have to play a role, a game of pretend. You must simply smile and stay awake, you attend the parties and socialize but for what. What lies come out of your mouth. "Yes, I am happy. I love my job." It goes on and on. When does it stop, when do you realize that you aren't living you are just surviving in this world. Sometimes just managing to wake up, and get out of bed itself is a huge achievement. 

I have talked to many peers, of all ages and it seems to be simple. We are not supposed to have it all figured out, in fact, it's impossible too. Plans don't always go accordingly, and things fall through, maybe you have a flat tire, a doctor's appointment for spraining your ankle from trying to impress your date, or maybe a world pandemic takes over. Should we all just press pause? No, we still manage to keep going. We make mistakes, we overcome challenges, and we press the reset button. So let me tell you about my personal reset. 

May 2023

 

   I had just completed my contract for teaching and it was the last day I would see all my students together. I didn't realize how proud, yet sad I would feel. Proud, for all the accomplishments and new abilities they now possessed. Sad, because I knew this was a chapter of my life that was completed. I said goodbye, and went on to figure out what was my next aspiration, dream, and goal that I would achieve. Truth, I didn't know and I wouldn't know, well not until about August. 

Summer 2023

    The summer went by in the blink of an eye, and I still had no job aligned. I was working at Foodsmith, which became a second home, and allowed me to be my goofy self, no need to be overly professional, instead I could just be. The simple tasks were to make sure the customer was greeted, treated well, and fed. Sometimes we need simplicity, it helps to allow oneself to have more time to be lost in their own thoughts and have time to contemplate what to do. 

    

    The entire summer, I applied for jobs, trying to just fall in line with everyone around me. I mean we are supposed to have jobs. It's a must, so you can pay the bills, and survive. But with each application, and interview, the same bland response appeared. We have found a candidate that fits better, Sorry, this job has now been filled. A girl can only take so much rejection. But, I tried to not feel defeated, so I simply kept applying and allowed myself to enjoy the summer. 

The summer was wonderful in Minnesota, I got time to make new friends and try and date again which was good but, not great especially when in all honesty I should have been dating myself. When your friends are dating and getting married, it's kind of hard to keep attending events and keep being a single gal. Friends try to set you up, as well as family. Why couldn't they have taken that energy and helped me network in the career field? Well anyway, I stopped dating and instead allowed myself to just be present and make memories with friends. I had a student message me saying they would be dancing at a fair and if I would attend. I was so honored that this student reached out, and amazed that they trusted me and cared enough for me to share their accomplishments outside of school. I attended the fair and allowed myself to enjoy the dancing and music. Once the student finished their dance, we both attended a concert and simply enjoyed the moment. The day came to a close, but that evening I went to Instagram and messaged one of the band players I had listened to. They were kind and invited me to a celebratory drink at a bar. I agreed to go and brought my mom who happens to be one of my best friends. ( YES! Your mom can be your best FRIEND) We arrived at the bar, and later that night the band showed up. I met the emcee from the fair, and I sensed an energy about him, one where I could ask anything and he would answer honestly. So I allowed myself to ask, "Did you know what you were doing in your 20s?" He smiled and was extremely truthful "No".  It surprised me, this man seemed so confident and direction-driven in the sense of accomplishment and aspirations. I explained to him my worries and how this summer was full of rejections, then he told me about WD-40. I didn't understand what direction he was going with, especially about a brand of lubricant from the 50s. But he explained that the 40 meant how many attempts it took in order to become WD-40. It made sense, it was simple, TRY and TRY AGAIN. The night came to a close and I was happy for the events that happened that night. 

The next day, I allowed myself to explore all possibilities. I applied for everything that morning. Not, caring if these applications would just become another rejection. I was WD-40! That evening an opportunity arose, and I shared the news with my mom. She was ecstatic for me, she saw that I was happy and that this may be just what I needed. The thing is, this opportunity happened to be across the world. That night I went to bed, completely in turmoil. How could I just leave everything behind? Well, what was I actually leaving behind? Besides companies that kept rejecting me. But, I have a family, two dogs, bills, and my job as a server. The next morning I declined the offer and told my mom my final answer. She was astonished that I said No to the opportunity. She sat me down and said "Alyssa, this is the happiest you have been, this is the time to say Yes, to allow yourself to learn, and explore. You need this." With my mother's blessing and clarity, I finally realized that my original YES was the right decision. I called back and prayed that I could still make this goal a reality. 

Well, HERE I AM! All because I allowed myself to listen to my gut. I allowed myself the chance of a reset, and to become aware of who I am. 

So... Here are some goals I want to accomplish:

• Internship within a creative field
• Network with creatives and open-minded people
• Travel and see old friends
• Reconnect with who I am, and find my true and authentically creative self
• A master's program that will help me reach my goals 
• Love myself
• Write

A d v i c e

    Take a risk 

Well until we meet again, take a risk for yourself. 

-Alyssa 

p.s 

Remember to be your authentically creative self